joi, 7 ianuarie 2010

Another Epiphany

There's nothing beyond this screen. I can hear my mom yelling at me from the other room, but I can't distinguish the words... The song is playing over and over again. On the computer, in my head, who cares? ...There's just one cigarette left. She keeps fighting with me even knowing I won't reply. I don't give a shit about what's beyond the screen... There's nothing and no one for me out there. Yet. Yes, yet - I'm not insane, though I will sure be...

I hate the sound of crashing pots - she always does that, even in the morning, waking me up in the most brutal way possible. Might as well buy her a drum set when I get back... If I ever leave...

This is terrible. I feel like crying and beating myself up at the same time - I haven't been this depressed in a very long time and she keep reminding me how much my life sucks. Actually... what life are we talking about again? I spend every day watching this screen. Waiting and hoping someone would say something interesting, worth discussing...

D. says I'm brilliantly funny sometimes. She doesn't know that those moments are the highlight of my day, that I lose myself in the conversation and enjoy it fully just because there's nothing exciting for me aside. Sounds so pitiful I'm pissed at myself for sharing it... But I have to, I need to!

Suddenly I miss everyone and everything. I look at people through my bedroom window and they seem so sad... I'm about to start my adult life (if I won't bash my head against the wall to death 'cause of my mother's ranting) and I'll leave behind everything that was fun and bohemian, everything I love doing...

And this is all I have. Writing, reading, talking to someone whose favourite artist isn't a fucking gypsy who sings at weddings...

I'm tired of everyone telling me "it's going to be just fine"... Can't anyone just ask me out for a cup of coffee? I'm going crazy... Forget I wrote this crap.

15 comentarii:

Līlītu spunea...

Care for a coup of coffee?

Līlītu spunea...

Cup.
Damn it.Am stricat tot momentul epic si misterios cica 8-|

Tomcat83 spunea...

Always. And yes, but I'm sure you'll make ammends. :))

Līlītu spunea...

Pff.C'est la vie,ce sa-i faci.

Let me try again.

Care for a cup of coffee?I could start smoking again,just to keep you company :P

Or not.Ha.

Tomcat83 spunea...

...I meant a real one. Virtual hugs and cups of coffee just doesn't cut it this time.

Līlītu spunea...

Hm.

Sunt barbat in realitate.Still wanna meet me?

Tomcat83 spunea...

I said a cup of coffee, not a freakin' blowjob.

Līlītu spunea...

Nu este nevoie sa fii vulgar.

Too bad.Au revoir.

Tomcat83 spunea...

...That was the weirdest conversation of my life.

Līlītu spunea...

:)) I was kidding,for fuck sake.

Glumesc mai 'tampit'ca sa zic asa,but still..

Still care for a coup of tea?:-?

Tomcat83 spunea...

Let's save me some trouble: I'll have what you'll have.

Līlītu spunea...

:)) Oh come on I'm not that crazy.Or mean.

So..we're ok now?:-s

Tomcat83 spunea...

We're perfect. We're cats.

Līlītu spunea...

Yes..Yes we are,aren't we?:-?

Tomcat83 spunea...

Quite. May I suggest the Shoutbox or even a YM chat? ...As much as I love getting comments, our little chat went off at some point.